Hi all, to those who doesn't know it yet, my right hand is now practically useless right now. Okayyy, maybe not exactly useless, but I literally can't use my right hand as of now :'( I fell off a stunt during Hall Cheer and the fingers on my right hand bent a freaking 90degrees the other way. I also did hear cracking sounds as I fell. I freaked out. I couldn't feel my right hand at all. I couldn't move my fingers. It was just so bad! I cried like mad. Thank goodness my senior immediately helped me ice my hand and massaged my fingers till I regained a bit of feeling. Mu hand was swollen by the end of training and my hand really looked like a balloon D: Even my fingers looked like Taiwanese sausage considering the fact that I have very skinny boney fingers.

After two days since the incident, I still can't move my fingers except for my index finger and thumb. My other fingers have no strength in them whatsoever and it is damn hard for me to even make a fist. I tried writing something, and my handwriting looked like a toddler's. I don't think I ever felt so useless in my life. There are a lot of things I can't do without my right hand, and I am beginning to appreciate the littlest things in life. Even typing this post is making me depressed because it hurts a lot.

Still, I want to thank a few people for helping me.

Thank you Yanheng, my cheer senior, for helping me ice my hand and giving me advice on how to take care of my fingers.

Jasmine, my roomie, thank you for all the well wishes and prayers you have been showering me with :) She immediately called me the moment she heard I hurt myself. I feel so blessed!

I want to thank my parents for really helping me out a lot. My mother helped me in the shower especially when I can't bathe/wash my hair properly. My dad for sending me to A&E to take an X-ray for my hand.

And my dearest bf for accompanying me to the hospital. I do appreciate all the well wishes and concern he has showered me with too :)

All in all, I have to say that I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends and family :) I also want to thank all my friends for constantly asking me how my hand is, I am truly touched by all your concern :)

And I will be ending my post here because I can't type anymore :P Toodles~!

Tomorrow marks the first day of my second semester, and I am surprised that even though I am feeling the slight nervous tinge, I still find myself sitting in front of the television. Of course I keep reminding myself that I have to start packing my clothes for the week ahead as I have classes and training every single day. I know the first week is always the worst because it is hard to start getting used to new classes and new classrooms. Thank goodness there are no tutorials for the first week, because this first week also marks some other thing that will be new for me. I will not share any details of it until I have settled it because I have a feeling it may get ugly. But I guess I am somewhat ready for it.

Yet it feels as if I am still in Taiwan yesterday ... ahhhhh I know it will be hard to get rid of this holiday mood :( especially when I felt like the holidays whizzed past me like a bullet train. This holiday has proven to be really a fulfilling one: I made new friends, I spent more time with my family, and most importantly, I learned new stuff. It was truly an eye opener. Of course with the holidays drawing to a near end, I feel my wallet growing thinner than ever. Indeed, with me constantly going overseas and shopping, I definitely outdid myself in my previous times.

After indulging myself so much during this holiday, I also made a vow to myself to work extra hard for semester 2: not only in my studies, but in cheer as well. It definitely won't be easy as this semester marks the end of my first year in University and I have to do much better if I want to pull up my miserable GPA. With that said, I end this post with a ALL THE BEST note for all my friends out there. Be it whether you are mugging like crazy in University, or just finished choosing your course after Olevels, JIAYOUS to all for your studies and passions in life :) Granted, it won't be an easy path, but it will definitely be a fulfilling one!

Go, fight, win!

" Happy New Year! "

Another faithful year has gone by just like that and I find myself pondering on a lot of issues. One issue is about my results: I felt like I did not work hard enough for my first semester and my GPA was just sucky. But thank the Lord I did not fail any subjects because I really felt like I was going to fail one particular subject. University is definitely different from Junior College and I really have to buckle down and work hard for my second semester. That is my first resolution of the new year. Of course, what is New Year like without making resolutions?

#01: Work Hard For University

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I've been passionate about Cheerleading ever since I met my darling bf, but I found myself stuck at the same level over and over again without much improvement. Sometimes when you are stuck at the same place constantly, you will just lose some of the passion deep inside. And I found myself struggling with that issue. Thank goodness, I have my darling bf by my side. He is always encouraging me in Cheer and even in stuff besides Cheer. And finally, one day I found an extremely good opportunity for me to improve myself. But this means I have to forgo other stuff such as my good friends: it took me a really long time to decide and it was difficult making a decision but I had made up my mind. I think most people will hate my decision but I am going to stick with it through the end. I have to work hard to achieve that dream, and it won't be easy, but with hard work I know I can achieve it. I will share more about this after my trip in Taiwan :)

#02: Improve in Cheerleading

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Reading back on my past resolutions, I realised that I managed to fulfil a few of those slightly. Well, I am not perfect so actually realizing that I did make a few good changes made me really happy :) One of them is, quoting from what I wrote, "Reach God-like in Cooking and Baking". Oh gosh, how stupid was I! Hahaha :) Well, I am glad to say that this year, I did take up the initiative to bake more, with my mother supervising as usual. It was a great improvement for me because back then, I would probably screwed up the whole thing and my mother had to save the day again with her super awesome special baking powers. So yes, I can safely say that my 2012 resolution on the aspect of baking has been fulfilled, by a bit ... :P Which brings me to my next 2013 resolution. Sad to say I can't say the same for cooking because I did not really explore in that area :( But 2013 will be different for sure!

#03: Continue Passion in Baking AND Start Learning How To Cook

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Another example would be being a good daughter: I don't mean to brag or boast about anything but I think I really did improve on that. I stopped throwing fussy tantrums at my parents. I had stopped demanding a lot from them like a spoiled brat, and I felt I was definitely more matured than I was back then. I hardly got into any arguments with my parents this year and I felt like I had gotten closer to my parents. But of course, this does not mean I stop at that, I definitely want to become an even better daughter to my parents because of all their hard work and sacrifices they made for me.

#04: Be an Even Better Daughter For My Parents

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For those who do not know, I am still going strong with my darling bf :) It has been a rough 2+years for us, but we are still together! We have faced many tribulations and problems in the year 2012, and I still find myself being quite the 'jealous' girlfriend whenever I see le bf being so friendly with girls, even though their relationship is strictly on business. I also realized that it took a long time for me to start acting more matured with my bf and stop being such a spoiled princess in his eyes. I have to say that it was only last month when I started realizing that. But this doesn't mean that all is doom! Le gracious bf has always been giving me a lot of chances to change for the better and I really plan to do so for the year 2013.

#05: Be an Even Better Gf For Le Bf

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With the new year just about to start, I have to say that every new year sparks a new beginning and there is this HUGE part of my life that is going to change with the new year of 2013. No, I am not pregnant, neither am I getting married! :P My parents had just bought a new condo and with that, they are going to sell the house I am living in right now in Tampines. Well, the new house is going to take a few years to build/renovate, and for the time being, my family is shifting back to our house in Pasir Ris: the house which my brothers and I grew up in. Yes it does hold a lot of memories, but this time I am hesitant to leave my Tampines home. It is so near to three fricking malls!!!! And with a stadium just opposite my block, I can go work out whenever I want! I am looking forward to living in the new condo, but that is years away :( I don't mind living in Pasir Ris house actually, because I am definitely closer to my cousins there. But there is like nothing to do in Pasir Ris! REALLY! D: Not to mention, my school is all the way in PIONEER and I have to go from one end of Singapore to the other end every day if I am not residing in my hall. IMAGINE THAT D': Hahahaha. But I'm not going to whine like a little bitch about it, I'm glad that I have something to look forward to this year :) Here is just a little peek in my new room :) My mother only snapped a few pictures of her room and the kitchen which I am not going to put up here :P Hahaha.






And well yea, that is all I have for my resolutions in 2013. It is tough to stick to your resolutions throughout the year, but with hard work, you will definitely reap progress :) Happy 2013 to you all out there!

I sighed, she sighed too. 

I took a deep breath and proceeded to ask what the problem was. That was when all her problems poured out at one go: all the disappointments, all the times where she bottled up her emotions and feelings. It was one hell of a ride. I closed my eyes and just listened to her go on. All the time when she felt like giving up on the relationship, she could not, because she was not strong enough to go back out to the world alone and vulnerable. Every time she felt disappointed by her partner, she just shut it up to herself as she did not want people to know how broken down her relationship was. My voice of reason whispered into my ear, "How fucking stupid is she ..." What was the point of continuing if there is simply no more hope left in the relationship? There is no more trust, no more love, no more bond between the two.

Many would say that having a long term relationship would result in many problems, but I've always believed that if the relationship was meant to be, both parties will definitely want to change for the better; both parties will want to solve the problem no matter how long it took; both parties will come out of it stronger than before because that was how much both of them treasured the relationship. However, if both parties are unwilling to step forward to make the change; unwilling to solve the problem sincerely; unwilling to continue suffering under the hardships, then both parties should just fucking break up.

She continued pouring out her sorrows to me, and perhaps it was because of the fact that this was not the first time it had happened, I felt neutral to it all. I tried my best to feel the slightest bit of sympathy of her, but I could not. It seemed like I was immune to it all - the tears, the swollen cheeks, the cries of agony. It was all too familiar and somewhat annoying. I drew my head back, with my eyes still closed, but ears open to her ramblings and complaints. God, how I wished I could just draw a hole and jump into it, then maybe I can finally reside in a world without emotions. If only.

Time felt slow. I gazed upon her mouth. Her lips were moving, but they were not making any sound. I guessed even my consciousness was desperate to just get out of there. "Communication is the key ... " I heard her mumble - what a load of bullcrap. What good is communication when in real fact no action is done to settle the issue behind it all. Sure one could promise to change, to alter, to forgo past mistakes, but when no action was taken, communication is as good as bullcrap along the side of a road.

I snapped.

I shut her up. I told her to zip it. I just needed a moment of silence, and so did she. All I wanted for her was to get away from that guy. To stop all her sadness, to stop all her nonsense. She felt it was impossible to let go and as she told me that, she clenched onto pictures; pictures of her and her so called 'loved one'. I wanted to just pry those pictures off her fingers and ripped those into shreds. Fake. Those pictures were all fake. Those smiles, those laughs, those hugs - they were all staged and she should know it. Or I thought she did.

The room grew dark. It was getting late, and I was getting weary. I looked at her again, hoping to be released of such torture of listening to her for hours. She looked back at me. She seemed to have gotten my message which I had been trying to tell her since the beginning. She nodded her head as I nodded mine. It was settled, I could finally go. She closed her eyes as I closed mine.

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again; sitting in an empty room, staring at my reflection in the mirror. All I saw was this girl, me, beaten down by her own emotions. Tears started running down her cheeks, and on mine. What irony.