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▸ Time .. ... ♬
Sunday, February 26, 2012
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Through the passing of time, she wonder what is it that holds the red thread together ... Its thread undergoes numerous tribulations, unwinding away its intertwined strings with each passing trials. Yet it still holds on steadfast.
But now, her strength is dwindling and so is her winding thread. All she hopes is for a miracle, a wonderful memory in which she can reminiscent to. Her tears by night paved down by heart, her tears by morning strode down by mind. How pitiful the mourning goes ... with moans so melancholy.
And all she wishes .. was a peace of mind, and tranquil of heart.
But all she gets is her own cries at the dead silent of the night.
Oh how time can be such a cruel bitch.
Loneliness.
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▸ Dreams, Future, Believe. ... ♬
Monday, February 20, 2012
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" Every person is entitled to dream big dreams or just dreams to make them happy ... "
Many a times I find myself worrying about the future - dreading the worst that I won't be able to live a life that is worth mentioning. I see my friends all anticipating to reap the profits they have sown: both blood and tears, but my fears lie dormant in those days. I apprehend the very thought of me not having a new chapter of my life to open to ... and that is how bad I envisioned my life to be.
Despite people in their best efforts to soothe my very deranged mind, I still somehow managed to scare the lights out of me at the end of the day.
"It is just pure madness ... "
It is not that I do not try, or I give up easily. I'm a realist ... perhaps too much of a realist for my own good sake. I over-analyze things, and most of the time I do so with a very bad mental state. So yes, I worry too much. I know I had tried my best in my past endeavors, but it was brought to my forlorn attention, that it always boils down to how well others perform compared to you. No matter how hard you try, if someone does it better, even with little effort, he still surpasses you nevertheless.
My heart and mind are ridden with such self-pity that it makes me sick to the bone that I had fallen to such belittlement, that even I myself, hate me. You may think that my rattling may be due to a clause of time that I have to undergo every single month, but I assure you my dear friends, that this does not come close to what I have to say when that very time comes. For now, let's stick to what I have.
Even my dearest beloved ones all around me, are pouring their hearts out, hoping I would take at least one of their suggestions: overseas courses, private courses or just courses that are easy to get in. I can't simplify this enough, but I entirely abhor such cases. I do not like moving overseas to take a course which I don't like, and I don't intend to waste 3 years of my life to bury myself in a course I do not fancy. What more can I say?
I don't mean to be impudent, but what I say is true.
The holidays have given me a lot to think about. I have sought out my life passions and found out that even though I am not exactly what you call a professional, I still enjoy what I do. Unfortunately, this still sums up to who does it better in real life. Even my passions are stained with what society perceives as 'healthy competition'. My fucking ass it is.
So, my past few weeks have be doused with depression, self-hatred and mostly deep thoughts conceived in the shower. Yes I think a lot when I am bathing because I simply do not like partaking the enjoyment of scrutinizing my naked body. Moving on. I have come to a conclusion that if I do not make it, I will at least try once more before striking onto the path for my passion in baking. My parents still find it a waste of my time as they somehow think that being a 20year old girl lady, I can fully think for myself. (Actually I do doubt my ability in that too ... )
Many aspects of my life seem so bleak right now ... even I have contemplating digging up a cave in a remote island and probably live my days out there tendering sheep. On the contrary, my hubby has an entirely different story laid out for me.
That is why I love him so much. No matter what happens, he will always include me in his plans :) And because of that, I have the assurance that I have a future ahead of me. Even though it may not be smooth-sailing, he told me with greatness in his eyes, that he would protect me and work his brains out just to grant me comfort.
My dearest hubby, I thank you so much for always looking out for me, constantly caring for me with your never-ending love and support. It might not be the path my parents would want me to take, but as long as I am with you, I believe that it is the only future I will ever enjoy. Whatever happens, I promise to be by your side always, supporting you wherever you go. Thank you my dearest for putting in so much effort in the building of our future together. I, too, will work hard beside you. I love you my adorable wintermelon. :)
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▸ Slimmed it Out ... ♬
Saturday, February 18, 2012
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Bonjour everybody! You may wonder what I'm doing so early in the morning.. Or what my body clock denotes as the "morning awakening of doom".
Yes I'm heading to the gym again to hit the cardio, have been snacking a lot these past few days, so I've got to lose the extra ... Whatever! Technically I didn't gain weight, but I know I'm not eating right either, so what better way to reduce those negativity with some positivity!
That's not the bulk of my post for today. I'm here to clear up something many of my dearest readers seem to misunderstand.
I've mentioned it many times that I'm not freaking anorexic, neither am I bulimic! I don't force myself to starve at one corner, with a notebook in one hand, dreadfully weeping as I read through my daily log of calories. NO! I don't fucking do that!
Neither have I ever stuck my finger down my throat and massaged my gag reflex till I throw up every shit I ate before that. NO! I find that entirely revolting!
Those are really severe cases for girls who are desperately trying to lose weight while under constant depression and self-neglect. And I'm not one of them! I lose weight the good way! - diet and exercise :) it makes me feel good all the time.
So you may be asking why I'm saying all these all of a sudden .. The reason is because I've quite a lot of people leaving me messages about me overdoing my whole "diet" scheme.
And here I am trying to clear the air ...
Many of you commented that I'm not fat, I'm slim, I'm fit, I have good self-control ... Thank you! I appreciate your kind comments, but once again, what I'm achieving for is not BONEY-SKINNY till the extent that I look like a skeleton inside-out. What I want to be is SLIM-FIT, like what my twin has always been trying to achieve.
And here's a good idea of what I'm talking about, except I don't want to be too bulky around the abs area. So yea.
Since I'm a person WHO LOVES TO EAT GOOD FOOD, you will never have to worry about me starving myself for the entire month, because I just don't have that kind of desperation or psycho-maniac feelings about myself. I love the body I am in, therefore I'm doing my best to make it fit and reward it when it is due. That is what I'm aiming for my dear fellow friends.
You may then ask why am I so obsessed with achieving that kind of figure/goal/weight etc ... And here is the answer: I've been overweight ever since I was young, and frankly speaking I don't like people teasing me about my figure. Plus whatever I wore just makes me feel bad and horrible about myself so yes, I hated myself. Then my mother couldn't see me torturing myself anymore, so she sought out for a specialized nutritionist for me to get on track to getting slim and healthy. Her services did not come cheap and I can bet that it costs more than what most of your parents are earning now. I don't mean to brag, but I just want to show you all how much my mother loves me to actually spend so much just to make me feel better about myself. So I couldn't let her down anymore. I proceeded on with the plan and managed to lose 20kg in the first year.
My weight has then never exceeded my ideal weight right now, but I'm still not satisfied because I want to show others that they too can lose weight if they want to. Seriously it has been a real tough journey for me to get to what I am right now, because I am one with entirely no self-control whatsoever I tell you.
And after joining cheerleading, my insecurities crept in again, so I've decided to go onto another weight-losing journey. It hasn't been so successful with me only losing a few kg. But thank goodness I have a very awesome, amazing boyfriend who never lets the insecurities get the better out of me, and of course with such a health-junkie like him, I have no excuses to say 'no' whenever he hits the gym.
So that's why I'm really more of an exercise-junkie! I want to look good, feel good, and live good. There is nothing wrong with exercising to lose weight, especially when I get to be more fit and improve my stamina no matter what I do! :)
PS: I've finally have a thigh-gap on my upper-thighs! See? Told you my exercises are not in vain! :D
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▸ Baking Like A King. ... ♬
Friday, February 17, 2012
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I've been seriously doing a lot of research on baking and also been buying lots of stuff to get my baking career started.
It's quite tough to find a baking partner especially when one is just starting out.. Like me! Hahaha. I normally bake under my mother's supervision which sorts of acts as an assurance that nothing really really horrible will go wrong. And when I try baking myself, everything will somehow end up quite wrong ... It might be out of shape, it may not turn out to be as spongy as I hoped, it may even be over-baked! Lol. How unfortunate such series of incidences are.. And how sad they all have to fall upon me D:
My elder brother on the other hand seems to behold an extraordinary talent which enables him to bake and cook like no other. Back then I've never seen him touch a single kitchen utensil before ... But now when he does, his dishes turn out orgasmic. Life is so unfair. I thought as a girl, I might have some kind of 6th-sense intuition when it comes to baking/cooking, but oh how wrong I've been. Hahaha.
I've been bugging my elder brother to sort of bake with me but his schedule is really complicated. Needless to say my mother is never free when I'm free. I've been teaching tuition as my part time job and it is always in the evening or late afternoon because I've got to wait for their school hours to end. And there is this one child which I've to teach for 3hrs straight! So you can tell what kind of hectic life I have D: Hubby has been a real dear, accompanying and supporting me all the way .. However when it comes to baking, he seems to be able to dodge that subject entirely. Amazing ain't it?
So what to do but learn from the pros on the Internet! And I've been really serious in this arena, studying techniques, ingredients and different baking/cooking styles.
In addition, once Hubby and I have our own condo, we are going to ask a few of his students to come live with us and if I don't know how to cook/bake by then, God so help me.. I'm as good as dead! Hahahaha. So really I'm super into this.
Oh wells.. I'm still going to try it nonetheless! Haha wish me luck! Toodles~ :)
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▸ Vday Part 2 ... ♬
Thursday, February 16, 2012
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" Three words and a sincere heart, makes everything worthwhile. "
HELLO EVERYBODY!! :D
Pardon my sudden interest in gifs! I was just so amazed at this new application on the iPhone, that I am constantly trying it out over and over again. Wahahaha. I'm easily intrigued indeed :)
Pardon me for suddenly neglecting my blog (once again!) because lately I've been really flooded with work. But, more work means more income, and I gladly say anything to a new Mini Cooper Cabrio S that I'm saving up for! Hahahahahaha. SO yea.
Anyways, this post is dedicated to my not-so-overly-exaggerated-valentines-day! Hahahaha. Why? Because it was rather simple yet filled with love~ Ahems*. So this is how it goes!
Hubby and I woke up quite late in the morning (around 10am+) and we were struggling to get out of bed. It was like I nudged him, and then he nudged me, wishing the other party would get up first, and in the end the both of us slumped back to sleep .... That was practically how our mornings start every single freaking day! :S
We got ready by 11am, and Hubby was too lazyyyyyy to take the MRT to our destination - Marina Barrage! So we took the cab! Haha. You may ask WHY THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO MARINA BARRAGE?! The answer is: Hubby always keep boasting about his amazing kite-flying skills and till recently, I've absolutely no time at all to see him hone his skills. So since Valentine's Day was a free half-day for the both of us. I decided to see him in action! :D At the Marina Barrage, there was absolutely no people at all! Sucks to be a studying/working, unlike Hubby and I who practically arrange our own working schedules. After laying down the mat and setting up our 'base camp', Hubby went to fix up the kite! Btw, this kite was bought last minute from Toys'R'Us ....... HAHAHAHA. What a joke!
And so when the wind came on strong, Hubby naturally set the kite up in the air #likeaboss! Many people will have to stand or give a running start for their kite to take up flight, but Hubby just sat there with his bums on the mat and his kite naturally took flight. I was like wtf, you have to be kidding me. But he was not, he did that a few more times and I just simply kowtow to the kite-king.
After flying for a while, the both of us started to get hungry. LIKE REALLY FAMISHED because we didn't eat breakfast. Good thing we made sandwiches before leaving! :) The bad thing about our cheap kite was that it was not exactly balanced, the kite kept tilting to one side and kept falling no matter how high or how strong the wind is, so Hubby and I spent quite a lot of time reeling the kite in. Seriously, this proves Hubby's famous saying "The most expensive will naturally be the best!" Hahahaha. Classic.
We had our fill, and we started flying the kite again, this time I tried to get the kite up in the air. I failed like MANY TIMES, and Hubby was just giving me this look ALL THE WAY -_-... Or maybe his eyes are just small so I assume he had that 'diao' look. OMG I'M SO MEAN I KNOW. HAHAHAHA. So anyways, after many unsuccessful tries, I finally managed to get the kite up with a teeny-weeny help from my dearest Hubby ......................................................... OKAY FINE, he did it all by himself T.T
Here's Hubby with his super kite-flying-technique~
And here's me! Can you see the kite? Yes it is quite far off in the distant, but I am actually flying a kite!!! HAHAHA AMAZING RIGHT?!
Here's an artistic shot Hubby accidentally took of me :)
(Sorry for the rest of the unedited pictures because I had no time to edit every single picture! D: )
Hubby eating his own made sandwich ... Lol.
And here he is fixing the kite! :)
The weather that day was really amazing. It was like cloudy with a slight chance of drizzling but it didn't! The grey clouds were just passing clouds which was super good news for the both of us! Neither of us wanted to get drenched while flying kite ... LOL
After flying half a day worth's of kite, Hubby and I took refuge from the sun at Starbucks at Marina Square.
We hung around for quite some time before heading to Dhoby Ghaut to teach tuition! Hubby has been a real darling as he would always try his best to accompany me to tuition no matter how far the place is! Amazing guy isn't he! :)
And well after tuition, Hubby called out a few of his students to have a meal with us, saying that this was how it would feel like after we have kids or something ... And because one of his students Hu Shao Ye loved to eat chicken rice, Hubby brought him back to the same place where he fell in love with a super tender flesh of a 'virgin' chicken ... Hahahaha sounds wrong actually but heck.
At the end of the day, even though it was not exactly a romantic Valentine's Day, I still enjoyed myself very much! Why? That's because I not only get to spend time with my Hubby and be in awe of his wondrous kite-flying skills, but I also get to share my V-day with a few of his students who greatly appreciated the effort of Hubby constantly taking good care of them :D
You may ask why I say that Valentine's Day is an overly exaggerated day for both Hubby and I? My answer to that is because the both of us have been so close to each other for almost close to 2 years, and whatever we do and wherever we go, we will always share our life's intimacies with each other. So basically everyday seems like Vday to us. We never grow tired of saying "I love you" to one another, we never grow tired of holding each other's hands, we never grow tired of seeing each other's faces the first thing in the morning. It is because of these small details in life, that we are able to enjoy each other's company no matter what the situation is.
There's nothing simpler than saying "I love you." But whether the heart counts or not depends on how sincere you mean it to be. For Hubby and I, nothing is more sincere than our never-changing feelings for each other :)
Happy Valentine's Day to you my darling husband! I love you.
