It has been 5 days since I've returned from my trip from China. It has been a really crazy 10 days in China with their crazy-ass-unpredictable-weather. I tell you, it is really MADNESS, one moment you will feel cold to your bones; the kind where you feel the chill blowing through your spine, and another moment you will be perspiring through your woolly sweater. To tell the truth, I love the cold weather, mainly because Singapore is SO BLOODY HOT. And whenever I head over to cold countries, this gives me reason to buy WINTER CLOTHING/COATS. This time I treated myself to this beautiful fit and flare coat from ASOS. It is so freaking beautiful, I almost cried when I first wore the coat.

Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures (or decent pictures actually) of my trip to post here as the DSLR is still with le bf who is still millions of miles away from Singapore. Yes, he is still in China! #jealous Well this post is just a brief touch-up on what I did in China. The first day was the worst; mainly because we had to transfer flight from Guangzhou. The people I met there are simply horrible I tell you. They haven't have the slightest idea of what good-manners is. There is this bitch who stepped on my parcel without even apologizing when she knows it damn well her fat foot was on top of my stuff. So I scolded her and she was like "Oh, you can't scold me that .." (obviously in Chinese), and le bf heroic shouted at her, daring her to pick a fight. Of course, she fled off like a pussy. Not trying to create trouble actually, all I wanted was a simple apology from her for being a fat ass.

The moment we touched down in China, le bf's parents and best friend came to pick us up from the airport. Even though bf's mother was not feeling well, she still made the trip to fetch us, I was really touched :) So this time in China, I managed to control my-other-self - my shopaholic-crazed-maniac-self. It was not surprising that le bf would take note of how much I would spend whenever I went back to China. This time, I really had to put a metal lid on my urges. So what did I do during my time in China you may ask ... Well, this time I am proud to say that I have spent most of my time getting to know le bf's friends and family more. Bf's best friend whom he called Xiao Hu, was a very gracious friend indeed, every time I came to China, he would always plan fun activities for both bf and I. And I really do enjoy myself every single time.

Besides all the exploring the best eateries in China, which includes me gorging on food which I have been craving ever since, we had activities such as flying kites, going to flower gardens, enjoy a spin around the city, visiting the friend's house for a simple meal. Well, I don't have any pictures now to show, but that was the summary of what I did in China. Of course I will share more details of my trip in my next post :) And, I did put aside 3days out of my 10 to spend them on SHOPPING! #hooray The previous times I was in China, I really did burn a hole in the wallet dragging home a luggage that was literally filled to the brim. This time, I limited myself to really quite little and in the end I could fit all my shopping hauls into half a carry-on. Really quite a surprise right? Therefore, I've made a vow that the next time I'm going overseas, I'm bringing my own luggage. This way I can limit myself not to spend so much money; that's right, I'm actually saving for the future :) Which I will not elaborate further for now .... ^-^

At the end of the trip, the worst part was naturally saying good-bye. This time, I felt more connected to le bf's mother because finally I am able to understand most of what she says and when I speak in Chinese, she could understand me too! #achievementunlock Le bf has trained me well! I cried like crazy when I had to enter the terminal gate and I clung onto the bf not wanting to let go. I was scared because this was my first time travelling alone, in addition, it was my first time transferring flight all by myself! And the transfer flight was in Shen Zhen! A foreign country which everybody speaks freaking Chinese and I had no translator by my side. The flight to Shen Zhen was quite tensed as they kept delaying take-off. I spent 4 hours in the airport just waiting to board my plane. And I was lugging three carry-ons: one is my VSPINK carry-on which was super heavy with all my school books (I thought of studying in China but failed miserably), another is my shoebag which consisted of my cheer shoes and other small items (yes le bf was super enthu about taking stunts pictures in China and we did!) and the last was an LV tote which had all my clothes and souvenirs + snacks inside. Carrying all three of them is a freaking chore - they were fucking heavy I tell you. I felt like I was going to dislocate my shoulder whenever I carried them altogether.

BUT, thank God, I met a few kind souls on my flight to Shen Zhen. The person whom I was sitting beside on the plane helped me a lot. He took the initiative to help me put my bag in the overhead compartment when he saw me struggling like crazy to do so. Plus, after the plane touched-down, I had difficulties carrying all my three carry-ons out of the plane and he and another guy stepped forward to help me carry! I was shocked. When I told the bf about this, he was sceptical about it and asked me to check whether my valuables were still inside as he feared that they might want to take advantage of the situation to steal my stuff, but I assured him that everything was in place. Another scenario was when I was finding my way through the Shen Zhen airport for the International Terminal, this officer saw that I was quite frantic as my flight was only 1 hr from taking off, and I was nowhere near finding my terminal. Knowing I was a foreigner, he took his time to explain how to get there the fastest way and he spoke slowly and really clearly, consistently asking me whether I understood. I could tell that he was busy with his own stuff, but he still took the time out for me.

After rushing through three fucking terminals, I finally reached the International Terminal for my flight back to Singapore. I swore that was the most crazy, frightening experience I ever had of flying. Yet, I have to admit that it really changed my opinions on people from China. I've always thought they were mostly a crude bunch of people, but I have been proven wrong time and time again. One instant would be my bf's family members and his closest friends - they have always been so gracious and kind towards me :') Another instant would be those kind strangers who did not take advantage of my clueless situation. Hahaha saying that makes me feel like I'm a bimbo :S

The moment I reached Singapore and walked out the gates, I found myself shedding a few tears. I guess it feels really different without the bf beside me, and the plane flights have been excruciatingly painful since I have always never been able to fall asleep on planes. 14 hours gone just like that O.O Well I didn't go to school even though the second half of the semester has started; I was not feeling well. Some say it may be due to me being heartbroken or love-sick, but after seeking professional help, it seems that I am currently suffering from low blood pressure. Not high ... but low blood pressure. Not sure how that happened though, but it made me feel pretty weak for like 24/7. I took another week break from both trainings and school, but I still have to rush through the seemingly endless project works and catching up on lectures/tutorials.

Wish me luck for the next few weeks, because my end year exams are coming and I sure am hell not prepared for it. Worse of all is that I have no one beside me that I can share my problems with :( Normally I will always cry on le bf's shoulders whenever I feel stressed out, but this time, I've got no one. #foreveralonemuch But the bf is still giving me tons of encouragement through whatsapp and I do appreciate his sincere efforts :)


I love you Chen Cheng, and I really miss you so much. I truly wish you are here beside me, hope to see you soon :')
Distance do make the heart grow fonder.

No relationship is perfect and I know that, but it feels embarrassing to know that your relationship is not going as well as you had hoped. I am not trying to let the whole world know that my relationship is in a rut, but it is just that I needed a space to just let everything out. All the drama and tension has been bottled up inside me for far too long and I need to blow off some steam before it becomes too severe for me to handle. This relationship has not been all pain and agony, I admit there were many a times when I felt like I was on top of the world. However lately, maybe combined with stress from my school work, I just feel like I everything is going against me. And when I need support and help from him, he never seems to be bothered about me.

It was then I realized how selfish one can be. When it is stuff that doesn't concern him, he doesn't seem to treat it with much importance as how he would treat his own clients and businesses. I started to feel less and less significant in his world and this used to bother me a lot back then, but as of now, I just don't feel as bothered as before.

However, once again, his work is more important than me, so he just left in a hurry without coming to any conclusion. Lately the relationship has really become one-sided. I don't feel the unity between us any more. Maybe to him, it is a good thing since he has more time for himself, but I know I hate this feeling.

In the end, maintaining a relationship requires two people to work together or at least try to make things work. But maybe he has a different definition for relationship entirely.

I don't know ... I just feel so tired, so exhausted ... feeling that this is so unnecessary.